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                        Mt. Holz Science Fiction Society
                    Club Notice - 05/26/00 -- Vol. 18, No. 48

       Chair/Librarian: Mark Leeper, 732-817-5619, mleeper@lucent.com
       Factotum: Evelyn Leeper, 732-332-6218, eleeper@lucent.com
       Distinguished Heinlein Apologist: Rob Mitchell, robmitchell@lucent.com
       HO Chair Emeritus: John Jetzt, jetzt@lucent.com
       HO Librarian Emeritus: Nick Sauer, njs@lucent.com
       Back issues at http://www.geocities.com/evelynleeper
       All material copyright by author unless otherwise noted.

       The Science Fiction Association of Bergen County meets on the
       second Saturday of every month in Upper Saddle River; call
       201-447-3652 for details.  The Denver Area Science Fiction
       Association meets 7:30 PM on the third Saturday of every month at
       Southwest State Bank, 1380 S. Federal Blvd.

       ===================================================================

       1. I missed what is now called the Golden Age of Radio.  Not that I
       am  too young for it.  The best days of classic radio were before I
       was born, but radio drama was  far  from  dead  when  I  was  born.
       Technology  is  really  the reason I missed most of the good stuff.
       Some time around when  I  was  born  my  parents  got  their  first
       television  and  as  far  as I can remember never listened to radio
       drama again.  Not that I would not have enjoyed it.  By the time  I
       was  six  or  so I was already nutsy-cuckoo for science fiction and
       horror stories--probably an artifact of seeing back to back  on  TV
       "Commando Cody, Sky-Marshal of the Universe" and "Captain Midnight"
       every Saturday morning.  Had  I  known  that  science  fiction  and
       horror  radio  shows  were on the radio, I would have been all over
       them like ants on a picnic basket.  (At least I think I would  have
       been.   Perhaps  my  attitude  toward no-picture TV would have been
       like today's kids reaction to non-color films.   I  was  young  and
       knew a lot less than I do today.)

       I remember in English class our textbooks, just a little behind the
       times,   would  ask  us  to  describe  our  favorite  radio  shows.
       Everybody had a good laugh and the teacher told us to  describe  TV
       instead.   By  that  point nobody listened to radio for stories any
       more.  Music and disk jockeys they might listen to,  but  no  half-
       hour programs.

       I finally realized that there was something to classic  radio  when
       in  the  early  1960s  rerun  episodes  of  "The  Shadow" went into
       syndication and were broadcast on a local radio station.  By then I
       was  13  and sure, I would listen to Lamont Cranston clouding men's
       minds, but I don't suppose it occurred to me that this could  be  a
       standard form of entertainment the way TV was.

       I  finally  discovered  (or  started  discovering)  the  scope  and
       pleasures  of classic radio when I was in graduate school and would
       listen to an old-time radio  program  on  KSFO  in  San  Francisco,
       hosted  by  Scott  Beach.   (Beach, who has a great sonorous voice,
       also occasionally worked in film, being a friend  of  George  Lucas
       and  the person who invented the name "wookie."  He played the lead
       German scientist in the film THE RIGHT STUFF.)  Currently there are
       old-time radio programs on many radio stations around the country.

       Of late I have gone a little crazy on classic radio  having  bought
       myself three sixty-program collections of programs of radio which I
       found discounted at a local  warehouse  store.   I  have  taken  to
       working  around the house in half-hour increments, listening to one
       radio show each session on a Walkman.  It kind of takes  the  sting
       out  of drudgery like cleaning a bathroom when you are engrossed in
       listening to Gunsmoke.

       Why with cinema now able to create such wonders on the  screen  and
       in  this  age  of  satellite TV with all our entertainment choices,
       would somebody go back an get so interested in Old-Time  Radio?   I
       will get into that next week.  [-mrl]

       ===================================================================

       2. DINOSAUR (a film review by Mark R. Leeper):

                 Capsule: This is an  utterly  enchanting  film.
                 In fact it is the best family movie since BABE.
                 Adults and children alike  will  be  captivated
                 and  see  some sights never shown on the screen
                 this well before.  Even if there was  no  story
                 this  film  would  be  time well-spent watching
                 pure animation  virtuosity.   The  story  is  a
                 little  familiar,  but  myths  are  meant to be
                 repeated.  Rating: 8 (0 to 10), high +2 (-4  to
                 +4)

       Walt Disney was able to  do  some  really  impressive  things  with
       animation  in  his time.  But if he saw the kind of work his studio
       would be capable of before the end of his century,  even  he  would
       probably  not  believe  it.   DINOSAUR creates a beautiful and long
       lost world and totally pulls the viewer into this  world.   Talking
       dinosaurs become perfectly believable as characters.
       Aladar (voiced by D. B. Sweeney) was a real traveler even before he
       was  born.   His  egg was knocked out of its nest and stolen by one
       predator  after  another  in  a  terrific  visual   sequence   that
       introduces  the  viewer to the world of the dinosaurs.  As a flying
       reptile becomes the temporary owner we see huge vistas of herds  of
       dinosaurs.   It  is  a  view  that has not been seen for 75 million
       years and it's terrific.  The egg finally comes to rest in a jungle
       where  it  hatches  and  the  baby dinosaur--perhaps a maiasaur--is
       adopted by a family of lemur-like monkeys.  (Well, we all know that
       Disney Studios has a love of the theme of inter-species adoption as
       in JUNGLE BOOK and TARZAN.)

       Flash to the end of Aladar's adolescence and he  is  one  big  ugly
       brother  to  the  young lemurs.  As they play the young Aladar sees
       the beautiful sight of meteors shooting across the sky.   (Remember
       when  the  worst  thing dinosaurs had to worry about was volcanos?)
       As the meteors crash into the sea, the sight is  spectacular.   But
       it  does  not  stay  so  benign  for long.  In seconds the world is
       ignited into a hell-like inferno.  Lemurs and dinosaurs  alike  are
       thrown  out  of  Eden.   When  the worst is over Aladar wanders the
       spoiled land with his adoptive family on his back.  He escapes from
       raptors (another new cliche) to the relative safety of a caravan of
       dinosaurs headed for the dinosaur breeding ground.  But  even  with
       other  dinosaurs  things  are  not so great.  The Caravan is led by
       Kron, a mean social Darwinist dinosaur who  looks  forward  to  the
       death  march  as  a  good  time to thin the pack and leave the weak
       behind.  And between the parching sun and the predatory carnivores,
       it may do just that.

       Throughout there are little lessons, mostly for the younger set, to
       have  the  courage  of  their convictions; to cooperate rather than
       compete; that it is important to  care  for  the  weak.   They  are
       little  reminders  that this is a film for children, even if adults
       can have a good time with  it.   And  if  the  story  is  a  little
       familiar,  it  will not be to the younger set who may not have seen
       even these themes yet done in their lifetimes.  James Newton Howard
       has  turned  in  a  great  score,  approaching  epic.   The film is
       blessedly free from the Phil Collins  songs  that  Disney  all  too
       often   relies   on.   Yech!   The  voices  of  characters  include
       celebrities with names like  Joan  Plowright,  Ossie  Davis,  Alfre
       Woodard, and Della Reese.

       Every new Disney animation film  the  studio  seems  obsessed  with
       raising the bar and far outclassing the animation of their previous
       success.  The dinosaurs do not look as real here  as  they  did  in
       TV's  recent  "Walking  with  Dinosaurs."   But the differences are
       intentional.  The look of the dinosaurs is softened just  a  little
       and the faces made more human to give the audience more to identify
       with.  Aladar has a slightly horsey, if likable face.   The  vistas
       of  herds  of  dinosaurs  are as majestic as any dinosaur animation
       seen to day and already outclass JURASSIC PARK by  a  wide  margin.
       The   dinosaur   images  are  flawlessly  matched  to  live  action
       landscapes where birds filmed at a distance turn out to  be  really
       flying reptiles when seen more closely.

       "Yes," I hear you ask, "but how good is the  science?"   And  thank
       you  for  caring.   Well,  to  start  with, I believe these are all
       dinosaurs of the Upper Cretaceous.  I have not checked,  but  there
       are  no jarring juxtapositions of non-contemporary dinosaurs that I
       caught.  And as far as  I  can  tell  the  dinosaurs  are  depicted
       visually  consistent  with  current  theories.   There are no tail-
       draggers in the bunch.  The meteor storm is very nicely  done.   It
       will  scare  the  bejeezus  out of younger children, be warned, but
       ages seven and up will think its pretty rad.  (Do  they  still  say
       "rad?")   What  is noticeably wrong is that the meteors do not come
       in with parallel paths.  They are some times seen streaking  across
       the  sky,  sometimes  coming  straight  down, and often coming from
       different directions.  They would not come from different points in
       the  sky  and  just happen to converge so close to the ground.  The
       question I had is was this intended to be the extinction  event  at
       the end of the Cretaceous?  Perhaps it was a small storm leading up
       to that event, in which case the  end  of  the  film  is  much  too
       optimistic.   If  this was the extinction event, why were the skies
       so clear afterward and why was there a pleasant place of safety?

       But this is quibbling.  The word that immediately comes to mind  to
       describe  DINOSAUR  is  "charming."   When I was a kid I would have
       given my eye-teeth to see a film like this.   No  wonder  kids  are
       screaming  to see DINOSAUR.  Take them.  Even I, jaded adult that I
       am, rate it an 8 on the 0 to 10 scale and a high +2 on the -4 to +4
       scale.  [-mrl]

       ===================================================================

       3. MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE 2 (a film review by Mark R. Leeper):

                 Capsule: What might have been  a  decent  James
                 Bond  film  plot  (with a little patching) just
                 shows that the writers  do  not  understand  or
                 want  to  ignore  what  a "Mission: Impossible"
                 script is.  See Tom Cruise  climb  rocks,  ride
                 dirt bikes, and race cars in the name of saving
                 the free world from a  new  and  deadly  virus.
                 This  is  a film with a lot of action, a lot of
                 vanity, and not much thought.  Rating: 4 (0  to
                 10),  0 (-4 to +4)  A minor spoiler follows the
                 main review.

       The  new  "Mission:  IMpossible"  film  is  out  for  early  summer
       audiences.  It will have stiff box office competition from Disney's
       current DINOSAUR which offers material that will appeal to adults.
       Once again we have a "Mission: Impossible" movie without a "Mission
       Impossible"  plot.    What  is a "Mission: Impossible" plot?  It is
       like a jigsaw puzzle.  Through most of the plot you see the  pieces
       being fit together, but you have no idea what they build.  Suddenly
       toward the end you go  through  an  "Ah-ha!"  experience  when  you
       understand  what it is all for.  Then you see what you built do its
       thing.  Maybe doing its thing  is  to  make  some  banana  republic
       would-be  Hitler  suddenly  appear  to  have been stealing from the
       country's treasury.  It is a spy film powered by gray cells instead
       of  testosterone.   MISSION:  IMPOSSIBLE  2  is  as clueless as its
       predecessor what its title claims it to be.  It is like me saying I
       am going to write great romantic sonnets just like Shakespeare, but
       I am going to write them in four lines.

       Instead of a "Mission: Impossible" plot it has something that might
       have  worked  as  a James Bond script.  And evens so, it would have
       been a Bond script a little heavy on chases and  fights.   For  too
       much  of the screen time Cruise is just showing off for the camera.
       Cruise  is  trying  to  be  the  Douglas  Fairbanks,  Sr.,  of  our
       generation.   He wants to be dashing and handsome and superb at any
       number of sports.  This film is too intent on glamorizing Cruise.

       As the story opens we have a scientist in  Sydney,  Australia,  who
       had  developed  a  great  anti-virus.   And to prove the anti-virus
       works he has also developed a great deadly virus for his anti-virus
       to  counter.   (Yes, that's what he did.)  Now he wants to take the
       virus and the anti-virus to  the  CDC  in  Atlanta  so  he  injects
       himself  with  the  deadly virus.  The deadly strain will be benign
       for exactly 20 hours, then it will  attack  him  like  Ebola.   Our
       brilliant scientist wants to get to Atlanta and inject himself with
       the anti-virus and not become the Patient  Zero  of  a  virus  that
       could  destroy the world.  And what does he do to be sure to get to
       Atlanta in time?  He boards a  commercial  air  flight.   (Is  this
       making  sense  to  you?)   But  there  are baddies who will stop at
       nothing to get the virus and anti-virus.  On the  commercial  plane
       the  pilot  happens  to  be one of the baddies' gang.  (However did
       they manage that?  They didn't even know what  plane  he  would  be
       taking.)   The  baddies, led by Sean Ambrose (Dougray Scott), seize
       the biological agents and escape the plane, leaving it to crash.

       The Impossible Mission Force has to call in the  vacationing  Ethan
       Hunt  (played  by  Tom  Cruise) who is having fun by climbing about
       half a mile up a sheer rock face without benefit of equipment.  The
       IMF  brings in Ethan and tells him to pick two team members as well
       as recruit  a  third,  one  a  beautiful  jewel  thief  named  Nyah
       Nordoff-Hall  (Thandie Newton).  (With a name like Nordoff-Hall one
       wonders if there was a bounty on her head.)  In the best traditions
       of  Hitchcock's  NOTORIOUS, she is asked to go not just under cover
       but also between the sheets with former lover Ambrose.

       The film stars Tom Cruise as the lead agent of  the  IMF.   Thandie
       Newton  is  a  new  face and a different one, but she does not have
       enough to do on the screen.  Tom Cruise plays the athletic  miracle
       man.  In an unbilled role, Anthony Hopkins is around to give Cruise
       his orders.   Tom  Cruise  plays  the  great  lover  secret  agent.
       Dougray Scott is a little lackluster for the villain, but perhaps a
       lackluster villain is more realistic.  Tom Cruise is there  as  the
       quick-thinking  super-agent.   The Impossible Mission team also has
       the talented Ving Rhames returning as Luther Stickell.  He gets  to
       ride  a helicopter and shoot a gun.  Rounding out the crack team of
       four agents was some dude with a thin moustache and beard.  I don't
       remember  if  he did anything or had any speaking lines.  I seem to
       remember he  flew  the  helicopter.   MISSION:  IMPOSSIBLE  2  also
       features Tom Cruise.

       MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE 2 was badly in need of another script re-write,
       particularly by someone who was a fan of the original series.  John
       Woo keeps the action coming, but not the intelligence.  And Woo  is
       not  able  to  make the action scenes believable or enjoyable.  The
       climactic  fight  is  as  funny  as  it  is  contrived.    MISSION:
       IMPOSSIBLE  2  is more just a Tom Cruise vanity piece than anything
       else.  I rate it 4 on the 0 to 10 scale and a 0 on  the  -4  to  +4
       scale.

       Minor spoiler... Minor spoiler... Minor spoiler... Minor spoiler...

       I am starting to have a real problem with this  whole  mask  thing.
       The  idea seems borrowed from the opening of FROM RUSSIA WITH LOVE,
       where it was fresh.  But let us be  clear  that  to  masquerade  as
       someone  else with one of these masks requires a lot of preparation
       ahead of time.  It cannot be easy to make a mask  that  would  fool
       someone  into  thinking  they were seeing someone they knew when it
       was really someone else.  The voice  disguise  would  also  take  a
       tremendous  amount  of preparation.  Probably neither could be done
       without  the  cooperation  of  the  person  who  is  going  to   be
       impersonated.   Further,  people  recognize each other by more than
       just  face  and  voice.   There  is  skin-tone,  body   dimensions,
       clothing, scent, word-choice, accent, memories, and dozens of other
       parameters.  The original  series  used  impersonation  very,  very
       sparingly giving the person a lot of preparation time and even then
       it was really a credibility stretcher.  You do not  just  attack  a
       building with a back-pocket full of these impersonation masks ready
       to use.  In addition dramatically it is a poor idea.  It  distracts
       the  audience making them constantly wonder if they really know who
       they are looking at or  not.   The  script  uses  it  entirely  too
       frequently, whenever the writer wants to throw the audience a cheap
       and easy curve ball.  [-mrl]

       ===================================================================

       4. ENDER'S SHADOW, by  Orson  Scott  Card  (Tor,  1999,  Hardcover,
       $24.95, 379pp, ISBN 0-312-87297-6) (a book review by Joe Karpierz):

       I had given up on Orson Scott Card.  I really had.   I  had  become
       increasingly  disappointed in Card's writing ever since SPEAKER FOR
       THE DEAD came out back in 1986.  SPEAKER, as you  may  recall,  was
       the  Hugo  Award  winning  sequel  to  ENDER'S GAME, the Hugo Award
       winning novel that was expanded from a shorter version of the  same
       story.  After SPEAKER, things seemed to go downhill.  Card's latter
       two Ender novels, XENOCIDE and CHILDREN OF THE MIND,  were  a  mere
       shadow  of  their  two predecessors.  The "Homecoming" series was a
       major  disappointment,  and  the   "Alvin   Maker"   books,   while
       interesting,  were  not  up  to the standards that Card had set for
       himself in ENDER'S GAME, in my opinion.

       And maybe that's the problem.  ENDER'S GAME is one of the  greatest
       science fiction novels ever written.  Its surprise ending is one of
       the most astounding in the history of the genre.   Believe  me,  by
       1985,  when  Ender was written, I thought nothing could surprise me
       in an sf novel.  SPEAKER FOR THE DEAD  was  terrific  in  it's  own
       right.  It's no wonder that those two novels won back to back Hugos
       in 1985 and 1986.

       So Card set himself up for  failure  buy  writing  two  spectacular
       books.

       I wasn't going to read ENDER'S SHADOW.  I had been too disappointed
       in  XENOCIDE  and  CHILDREN  OF  THE  MIND.  But I was hearing good
       things about ENDER'S SHADOW.  So I caved - what else could I do?

       ENDER'S SHADOW is the story of Bean, the little runt that  attended
       Battle  School  at the same time that Ender did.  It turns out that
       Bean was found as a streetwise urchin in  the  city  of  Rotterdam,
       fighting  for  food and the chance to stay alive.  He attracted the
       attention of Sister Carlotta, who was working for the International
       Fleet, the organization that was putting together the army that was
       going to defeat the Buggers once and for all.  Sister Carlotta  was
       supposed  to  find  promising  little children to send up to Battle
       School to be trained to fight the alien invaders.

       You see, Bean was very, very smart.  He was also very, very little.
       He  was  a runt who looked younger than his age.  He was reading at
       an age where kids are still learning to walk.  He knew things.   He
       could  reason  beyond  his  years.   So he was recruited for Battle
       School, and the rest, as they say, is history.

       ENDER'S SHADOW is a story on two fronts.  One is the story of  Bean
       himself.  It turns out that he's been genetically altered, but that
       alteration comes with a  terrible  price.   It's  the  story  of  a
       genetically altered genius making his way through Battle School and
       finding out the truth about  what's  going  on  there  long  before
       anybody  else  does,  fighting  the admistration of the place every
       step of the way.

       It's also the parallel story to ENDER'S GAME.  That  is,  it's  the
       story  of  ENDER'S GAME as seen through the eyes of Bean.  And this
       is interesting not  only  because  we're  seeing  the  events  from
       another  perspective,  but  because we're seeing Ender from another
       perspective.

       So in some ways, we already know what's going to happen as we  read
       this  novel.   Of  course, at this point that big surprise is not a
       surprise, not only because we've already seen it, but because  Bean
       figures it out.

       I have mixed feelings, however.  Is this novel as good as  I  think
       it  is  because  it's  well  crafted, telling the same story from a
       different perspective, making it fresh all over again?  Or is  this
       novel good only because the original was good, and it's essentially
       the same story.

       I don't know the answer for sure, but I do recommend that you  pick
       up the book and read it yourself.  I recommend it.  [-jak]

       ===================================================================

       5. SHANGHAI NOON (a film review by Mark R. Leeper):

                 Capsule: Jackie Chan brings  his  martial  arts
                 antics  to  the  Old  West,  A Chinese Imperial
                 Guard from the Forbidden  City  in  Beijing  is
                 sent  to the America West to rescue a kidnapped
                 princess.  The performances are  fun,  but  the
                 plotting  is a string of cliches.  Rating: 5 (0
                 to 10), low +1 (-4 to +4)

       Even worse than the spy  genre,  the  Western  genre  is  in  clear
       decline.   The  film  industry  has lost the recipe for making good
       riveting Westerns.  Now they can make only repetitive parodies that
       mock  the conventions of the Western and which do not have the soul
       that made Westerns great.  The features that used to  come  cheap--
       the   horses  and  the  scenery--now  make  Westerns  prohibitively
       expensive to make.  Perhaps the Western will return with  digitized
       horses  and  blue  screen sunsets, who knows?  I spared myself last
       year's THE WILD, WILD WEST, but  SHANGHAI  NOON  looked  moderately
       better.  It probably was.

       Bringing a Chinese martial artist to the Old West has some  of  the
       same  possibilities  as  bringing  a  samurai in the only partially
       successful mixture of genres of RED SUN (1971).  Sure enough,  this
       film  has  all  the  standard  Western cliches we could have listed
       BEFORE seeing the film.  We  have  a  moving  train  robbery  (only
       slightly  less  cliched is the fact it is committed by amateurs and
       incompetents).  We have a visit to a cathouse.  We have  an  escape
       from an evil sheriff's jail.  We have a visit to an Indian village.
       And, of course, there is a saloon brawl.  And there is  a  showdown
       on  a  town  street.   Miles  Millar  and Alfred Gough seem to have
       written the script with a checklist.  Each cliche  circumstance  is
       revisited  with an eye toward how it might be a little different if
       a comic Chinese martial artist  involved.   Even  so  nothing  more
       creative  than  a three-way fistfight is attempted.  There are also
       wide vistas filmed to stirring music whetting our appetites  for  a
       real  Western,  but the film only reminds us that the film industry
       has lost that particular ability.

       The film opens in  Beijing,  in  the  Forbidden  City.   Chon  Wang
       (played  by Jackie Chan) is a hapless member of the Imperial Guard,
       charged with scrubbing floors and protecting Princess Pei Pei (Lucy
       Alexis  Liu).  The princess, wishing to avoid an arranged marriage,
       agrees to be taken to Carson  City,  Nevada.   Along  the  way  she
       realizes that her companion is really kidnapping her.  Wang is sent
       to Nevada with his uncle to rescue her.  The uncle is  killed  when
       the  train  is robbed by a band of inept train robbers.  Chon teams
       with their leader Roy O'Bannon (Owen Wilson) in an attempt to  save
       the princess.  What does all this have to do with Shanghai or noon?
       Not a thing.  But by giving the film a pointless name  the  writers
       could squeeze one more joke out.  Many of the gags will be familiar
       including the "horsing around" of a trained horse.  One weakness of
       the  script  is  the  dependency on one character, who shall remain
       nameless here,  who  gets  the  characters  out  of  several  nasty
       patches,  but otherwise seems never to be around.  This is just too
       easy an answer for how the main  characters  are  going  to  escape
       their problems.

       In spite of the rather unimaginative plotting  and  scripting  Owen
       Wilson   and  Jackie  Chan  each  turn  in  engaging  performances.
       Remarkably, Wilson holds his own against Chan, perhaps even  making
       himself  the  more  interesting  character.   The stress is less on
       Chan's martial arts than in his classic films.  These fights  still
       seem  very  orchestrated.  I have no doubts that if Chan got into a
       real fight he would probably still give  a  very  good  account  of
       himself,  but  I  suspect  it  would  look  very different from the
       stylized and contrived fights he  has  in  his  films.   These  are
       choreographed to show off his natural grace.

       Daniel Mindel's cinematography is  frequently  quite  good,  though
       many of his effects are overly familiar.  When bullets shot through
       a wall each gave rise to a column of light in BLOOD SIMPLE, it  was
       an  impressive  effect.  Now it is over-used and once again here we
       see it used.  He does get some nice Nevada  landscapes  and  it  is
       hard  not  to  make  the Forbidden City in Beijing look impressive.
       Oh, and yes, I can confirm what Jackie Chan fans already know.  The
       viewer should sit through the credits to see the out-takes from the
       filming.

       Overall SHANGHAI NOON this is just a passable  entertainment  which
       gets from me a rating of 5 on the 0 to 10 scale and a low +1 on the
       -4 to +4 scale.  [-mrl]

       ===================================================================

       6. SMALL TIME CROOKS (a film review by Mark R. Leeper):

                 Capsule: Woody Allen's best film  of  the  last
                 few  years is still little more than a mediocre
                 effort which from anyone else would be  only  a
                 minor comedy.  It is, in fact, little more than
                 a glorified Honeymooners episode.  A small time
                 criminal and his wife come into a great deal of
                 money and see high  society  from  both  sides.
                 Not  even  as  intelligent and insightful as it
                 sounds.  Rating: 5 (0 to 10), low +1 (-4 to +4)

       Woody Allen has been riding on his reputation for  several  of  his
       most  recent films.  After several good films in the 1980s, crowned
       by  CRIMES  AND  MISDEMEANORS,  his  1990s  film  crop  seemed  one
       disappointment after another.  At least in my opinion, BULLETS OVER
       BROADWAY was his only above average film in that time.  SMALL  TIME
       CROOKS  is  the  best film he has done since BULLETS OVER BROADWAY.
       It still is a lackluster situation comedy that leaves  one  feeling
       one has seen a Honeymooners comedy.

       Ray Winkler (played by Woody Allen) is just what  the  title  calls
       him,  a  small  time  crook.   He  constantly bickers with his wife
       Frenchy (Tracy Ullman), a former exotic dancer, who verbally  bests
       him  at  every  turn.   Currently Ray has a plan for how to get big
       money.  He knows of a bank that has an abandoned pizzeria just  two
       door down.  The pizzeria is for rent and he and some of his friends
       intend to rent the building and to use  the  basement  as  a  start
       point  to  tunnel into the bank.  Frenchy tells him that he and his
       henchmen are just too stupid to pull the plan off.  But she finally
       agrees  to  provide  a  front  for the gang.  She will run a cookie
       store out of  the  building  above  the  building  where  they  are
       digging.   Things  go  from bad to worse for the boys since none of
       them knows how to dig a tunnel or to follow the map that tells them
       where  to  dig.   The bumblers seem to make every possible mistake.
       Causing even more problems is the cookie-baking operation which  is
       rapidly  becoming  more  effort  than digging the tunnel.  The team
       brings in May (Elaine May), a half-witted  cousin  of  Frenchy,  to
       help  with  the  cookie  operation.   This makes things only worse.
       Still an odd turn of events leaves the Winklers with a  great  deal
       of  money.  Suddenly they are thrust into high society, but Frenchy
       is afraid that her low origins have left her,  well,  vulgar.   She
       decides  she  and  Ray must learn about culture.  Ray feels more at
       home playing poker.   The  issue  will  eventually  drive  a  wedge
       between the two.

       Indeed, any plot which juxtaposes  the  nouveau  riche  with  older
       money  will invite some interpretation as social criticism.  Allen,
       however, is no F. Scott Fitzgerald and a 96-minute film is not  the
       best  medium for such comparisons in any case.  We see a very small
       spectrum of the  old  money  people  and  their  reactions  to  the
       Winklers.   However  most of the points made are subtle or blunted.
       Whatever insights are gained are small payoff for even so  short  a
       story.   The  writing  is  at its best, and still not so very good,
       when the Winklers are bickering.  This writing is not really funny,
       but it is occasionally smart and the lines come fast.

       Tracy Ullman is probably Allen's best acting  partner  in  quite  a
       while.   As  the  harpy-turned-social-climber she is the best thing
       about this film.  Second best is not even  Allen  but  Elaine  May.
       The character May plays is by now a familiar one for her, but it is
       still a pleasure to see her acting.  There are those who  say  that
       the  writing  of SMALL TIME CROOKS is like the old Woody Allen.  It
       does not strike me that way, but there is one reminder of the older
       Allen  films.   Once  again  Allen  is  playing a loser and that is
       really what he does best.  It may not be the real Woody Allen,  but
       he  is  at  his  funniest as nebbish, not as a winner.  The film is
       full of distinguished-looking people playing the denizens  of  high
       society whom I feel I should have recognized.  I didn't.

       It is hard to walk out of SMALL TIME CROOKS believing I had seen  a
       film I will remember in another month.  For one afternoon there was
       some amusement.  I rate it a 5 on the 0 to 10 scale and a low +1 on
       the -4 to +4 scale.  [-mrl]

                                          Mark Leeper
                                          HO 1K-644 732-817-5619
                                          mleeper@lucent.com

            The world is so dreadfully managed one hardly know 	    to whom to complain.
                                          -- Ronald Firbank


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